CHILD'S HOROSCOPE

Astrological Interpretation and Text

LIZ GREENE

Programming

Alois Treindl

Child's Horoscope

for

Diana of Wales, born 1 July 1961

Nr 21221.62-4i11

Copyright Liz Greene and Astrodienst AG. Version 1.12 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

II. The Psychological Type

A child of nature * Outer and inner worlds collide

III. The Characters in the Story

A child of nature * A tendency to self-mythologise * Total ownership of loved ones * A joyful and self-willed spirit * A child with magnetism and power * Secret sensitivity and hidden dreams * Dependency is hidden by pride * Shyness about the body * A refined spirit waiting in the wings

A deep need to belong * A child who truly likes people * A secret individualist * Risking the disapproval of others

IV. Emotional needs and * patterns in relationships

Satisfy my curiosity! * Special needs in relationship with parents * Looking to father for creative inspiration * Recognising mother's need for freedom

V. Fears and Insecurities

A fear of being worthless * The challenge of self-sufficiency

VI. Looking toward the future

The fascination of others * Development through relating to others

Copyright Astrodienst AG 1997. All Rights are reserved. 27-Oct-1997

I. INTRODUCTION

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Most parents long to provide their children with the best they can offer on every level. But what is "the best"? Less enlightened parents will see in the child a symbol of all the lost potentials of their own youth, and will envision not the future toward which the child is best suited to aspire, but the future which they would have wished for themselves. More enlightened parents will understand the wisdom of Kahlil Gibran's words, recognising not only the magic of the child as a symbol of new life, but also the profound gift of being caretaker for a developing soul with a unique individuality and a life journey which cannot be dictated in advance. Children have their own inherent blueprint for life, independent of external factors. Within any family, two children - given the same parents and the same social and economic background - will express from the first days of life distinctly different personalities and distinctly different ways of responding to the outside world. Children are not blank slates upon which the environment writes. If we wish to offer "the best" for our children, we need to discern first who they are, and how we can most effectively support them according first and foremost to the child's, not the parent's, needs.

Children reflect back to us a profound insight into life's continuity and hope for the future. Rather than trying to be "perfect" parents or create "perfect" children, we could instead try to honour and support the child's right to be an individual. A relationship can then develop which contains mutual respect and recognition, and which nurtures and heals rather than cramps, suffocates or undermines. The birth horoscope does not describe a child's "fate", nor can it provide us with any predictions of what our children will or will not become in adult life - this depends primarily upon their own future choices. Nor can a horoscope provide the means for an unconsciously ambitious parent to attempt to direct the child's destiny, for a child's individual nature will sooner or later find some way to express itself - in spite of if not because of upbringing. Instead, the horoscope faithfully reflects an inner cast of characters and an inner story which awaits time and choice for its unfoldment. To explore the birth horoscope of a child is a humbling experience and a moving opportunity to participate in containing and honouring a new life.

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II. THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TYPE

The rich array of individual abilities and potentials portrayed in Diana's birth horoscope is set against the background of an inherent temperament bias which may be partly hereditary but is also the reflection of a mysterious essence which belongs to her alone. We might call this bias her psychological "type", for it is a typical or characteristic mode in which Diana is likely to respond to the situations life brings her - even in infancy. No child begins life whole or perfect, and all children have certain natural areas of aptitude which will help them to deal with challenges, conflicts and problems as life unfolds. Like the muscles of the body, these inherently strong areas of Diana's personality become stronger the more they are "worked" as she moves through childhood into adolescence.

Likewise, all children have certain innate areas of the personality which may be slower to respond and develop, and which may be a source of great anxiety during childhood. Diana's psychological type will not remain static and unchanging through the whole of her life. There is something within all of us - whether we call it the unconscious, the Self, or the soul - which strives over a lifetime to integrate all those qualities which are innately weak, neglected or undervalued. This mysterious "something" is already at work within Diana, helping her to develop her personality along the lines which are healthiest and most natural to her. At the major archetypal junctures of childhood this central core of her personality, deeper and wiser even than the wisest parent, will draw Diana into conflicts which enable her to develop the less adapted areas of her personality so that she can grow into a more complete person. Life does this for us all, sooner or later. But one of the greatest joys of interacting with a child is the pleasure of encouraging a development pattern which we know can help that child's own inner self to achieve its goal of a unique but balanced personality which can cope with the great range of experiences life offers.

A child of nature

Diana is a child with an essentially earthy and solid nature, and from a very early age she will probably exhibit a lively, sensuous and well-adapted relationship with the physical world. Yet she also possesses a powerful imagination, and there is likely to be a certain tension between these two sides of her developing personality which would benefit from the support and understanding of those around her. You may find that this imaginative but unpredictable side of Diana causes her to suffer from inexplicable anxieties and fantasies. These she may try to subdue through a more intensive effort to create external security - such as overdoing school work or domestic routines, or displaying intense possessiveness about particular objects or articles of clothing. These anxieties are not "abnormal", but are the natural result of a nature which contains two very different gifts. Such a polarity, although it may take some time to get used to, will help Diana to develop into a sensible and practical child who also knows how to take her ideas and creative inspirations and turn them into actualities. It may be helpful to encourage Diana to express her fears - through painting or drawing if she is reluctant with words - because however odd or irrational they seem these fears are really the reflection of a particularly rich imagination which she finds hard to accommodate to her already very strong perception of material reality. It is especially important, as she gets older and begins to perceive herself as an independent entity, to help her to understand these two sides of her nature. Because her strengths lie on the concrete side of life, Diana may ignore the gifts of the imagination and concentrate on physical activities and on producing good results in the outer world. She will probably respond with intelligence and patience to the material requirements of life, accepting the necessity of discipline and learning to cope early with personal responsibilities. The danger is that this emphasis on material reality may become a good means of avoiding that very active but sometimes frightening world of the imagination, which really needs to be encouraged and expressed. Diana is a secret dreamer who will probably give the impression of being a much more active and practical child. Probably she will not really know which of these personalities is truly her own for a number of years. With understanding and support from those around her, she will be able to find both sides of her personality equally rewarding as she grows.

A rich quality of sensuousness is one of the gifts of Diana's nature. She will probably be sensitive to beauty and harmony from a very early age, and it is important that she is able to experience an environment which contains plenty of order and serenity. She may show quickness at learning physical skills, because there is an innate coordination and grace to her body movements. Music and rhythm, as well as nature, are likely to be a very early source of pleasure and delight, and Diana would probably greatly enjoy the tactile pleasures of a pet. Chaos and confusion in the environment may prove extremely disturbing to her, for she is prone to fearful imaginings which are easily triggered by any sudden change or disruption. When she is feeling anxious, Diana needs a restoration of self-confidence and order through the careful fulfilling of school and domestic tasks, for it is through her relationship with the physical world that she renews her sense of confidence, independence and security. This strong focus on material reality, once developed, can help her to cope with all the unruly fears and imaginings which are likely to stir within her from time to time. But the mix needs to be gentle and balanced - too much discipline too early will make Diana shut down the inner world, while too little will leave her feeling uneasy, needy, anxious and unsafe.

Outer and inner worlds collide

Because Diana has an acute sensitivity to everything which is going on around her, she is likely from a very early age to intuit the expectations - conscious or unconscious - which are placed upon her by parents and family members. She has an innately helpful and conscientious nature, and is therefore likely to be very eager to please others - a lovely quality which will inevitably earn appreciation and love, but which may also be taken for granted or even abused by those who forget that she is not a miniature adult but a child who needs the time and freedom to play. If Diana has siblings, she may display an eager willingness to look after them, showing a wonderfully protective instinct which may also extend to animals and plants. But this tendency to look after others - even her parents if she senses they are feeling sad or upset - may conflict with her equally important need to express the strong imagination at work within her. If too much maturity and discipline are expected of Diana too early, she will no doubt try to oblige and provide loved ones with what is needed. This would have the unfortunate effect of stifling her creative gifts, which are considerable.

As Diana grows older, creative hobbies are essential to provide an emotional release and a channel for imaginative self-expression. If she shows a definite interest in or preference for some particular type of creative activity, it would be a great help if this were encouraged. She may show quickness or cleverness with her hands, or display a pleasing coordination of the body which might reflect talent at sport or dance. Or she may love the world of nature, and long to explore it. Because Diana is likely to grow into such a deeply responsible and essentially caring child, there is not much likelihood of her taking life and others for granted. But there are real creative gifts here which should not be overlooked, either by others or by Diana herself. This is a child with a complex yet fascinating nature and a rare blend of practical ability and imagination - but as is so often the case in life, the best things are unlikely to be displayed in the shop window all at once.

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III. THE CHARACTERS IN THE STORY

One of the most important insights gained by depth psychology is the revelation that people are essentially dual in nature - some aspects of the personality are conscious and other aspects unconscious. This polarity is already present in childhood in a nascent form. Although this developing dual self may be influenced, encouraged or opposed by environmental factors, nevertheless it belongs to the individual child and will, sooner or later, express itself in life. The interplay between the conscious and unconscious sides of the personality is a complex dialogue between two important inner characters who sometimes agree, sometimes argue, and sometimes simply ignore each other's existence. These characters within the individual also change their wardrobes and show different facets of behaviour and attitude at different stages of life. It is during childhood that the potential for a creative interchange between the conscious and unconscious aspects of the personality is most accessible and most easily encouraged to develop in life-enhancing rather than divisive ways. The tension between the main characters in Diana's inner story is the source of energy which provides the impetus for growth, movement and the formation of a healthy individuality. And there are other, less sharply defined characters within Diana as well - supporting players who sometimes harmonise and sometimes conflict with the main ones. These too contribute unique elements to a unique human life. Where they are strongly marked in the horoscope, we have included a description of them as well.

A child of nature

No one is as capable of enjoying the good things of life as Diana is. She deeply savours everything that gives her physical delight. Her reality - and her security - consist of what she can see, touch, smell, taste, hear and possess. The simplest of toys can satisfy, and as she grows older the beauty of nature, the delight of a pet or the joy of a sunny summer's day can instantly invoke her rare gift of being able to savour the moment. Although she is not particularly inclined to give away loved objects or share loved people, nevertheless she can be extremely caring and loyal to siblings - always providing her own immediate needs are satisfied. She is more interested in doing than in learning or articulating, and tends to accept and trust only the evidence of her physical senses. Therefore abstract arguments about principles and rules will mean little to her as she grows. But a clear and honest explanation of why something is sensible and likely to prove to her advantage will go much further. Diana has a capacity for real contentment - something many adults never learn - and she is not by nature fretful or restless. But she can display a sullen and intractable face if threatened with sudden disruption or with emotional conflicts in the family which might undermine the safety of her physical world. Diana is truly a child of nature, sometimes possessive, stubborn and resistant to change, but deeply affectionate and immediate in her response to genuine warmth and kindness.

A tendency to self-mythologise

In her fantasy-world, Diana is always a star - a handsome knight on a white horse or a beautiful princess swathed in silk or the powerful king of the land. In outer life, some of this self-mythologising propensity may colour her way of interacting with others, for she cannot bear to be ignored or reduced to one of many in a family. She must be special, noticed and loved best of all, with the whole world at her feet. This tendency to experience herself as the shining sun around whom others orbit is characteristic of all very young children. But as Diana gets older, she will retain a powerful need to draw as much attention as possible to herself through sheer force of personality. There may be very angry moments when siblings are elbowed out of the way in a bid for love and attention, and also when tired or preoccupied parents are forcibly informed of her anger at being ignored. Yet there is something so appealingly natural and straightforward about Diana's way of glamourising herself that it simply needs to be accepted as part of the child's strong-willed, energetic and expressive personality. Intense emotion is natural to her, and she may find it difficult to cope with a cooler, more distanced attitude toward personal needs and feelings. Whatever she wants, she wants it intensely, and she tends to interpret refusal in a highly personal and subjective way. Such powerful energies need to be helped into creative channels where Diana can express the noble and dramatic role in which she instinctively casts herself. She is a natural leader and will probably be popular among other children - not because of any particular adaptability or effort to please, but because of the sheer power and originality of her personality.

Total ownership of loved ones

When Diana loves, it is an absolute love which tolerates no sharing. Any sign of attention showed to older siblings or any show of affection between parents which excludes the child may arouse some rather explosive reactions. She does not let go easily, and throughout childhood the issue of jealousy may be a recurrent theme in all her emotional relationships with others. She can be intense and sometimes very demanding, and is not averse to resorting to highly manipulative methods to ensure that she is the best-loved. Because possession is really synonymous with control, it might also be said that Diana will try to control any person to whom she is deeply attached. It may become important as she grows older for parents to explain the basic right of others to their own emotional space - for she may have difficulty in recognising that others have any emotional space save the one they share with her. She wants both parents absolutely to herself, and she may make covert efforts to provoke quarrels between them, or between parents and a rival brother or sister. Diana's need for exclusive love should never be underestimated, even if on the surface she appears to be indifferent or unconcerned.

Yet she also has all the gifts of a deep feeling nature - a strong sense of loyalty, a capacity to remain loving despite the flaws and failings of the loved one, and an immediate empathy with pain or unhappiness in others. She is a profoundly caring child, always ready to defend those she loves. If parents can gently help her to understand that manipulation is not a way to guarantee love, her generous heart and deep sense of devotion will always shine through. But her tendency for absolute attachment should never be used or exploited for parental gratification. Heavy emotional undercurrents within the family - particularly sexual power battles between parents - could be very destructive, for she is already predisposed toward seeing life as theatre. Emotional honesty and a clean and direct expression of feeling within the family can help Diana to learn to share her powerful feelings without resorting to "jungle law" to obtain the emotional security she needs.

A joyful and self-willed spirit

Not all children embody the joy and magic of archetypal childhood, but Diana does. She has a quality of sunny expressiveness which marks her as an intensely individual and creative personality, and as she grows older this individuality will probably express itself through artistic originality, a sheen of flair and style, and a strong and fiery will. Some family members may find it all a little overwhelming, particularly if they have never developed any individual gifts of their own. Diana's need to shine and be loved and appreciated for what she achieves means that she will need a great deal of attention and interest. Most of all she needs to be believed in, and to feel that parents and family have confidence in her dreams. Encouragement of the imagination through creative forms - drawing, painting, dancing, storytelling, playacting - will always be helpful, provided this encouragement follows the line of Diana's interests rather than her parent's unlived talents. She also loves to have fun, and will rebel against an overdose of discipline and domestic restrictions. She will probably be naturally gregarious, and may not always be wildly discriminating about other children so long as they are fun and exciting to be with. She is high-spirited, joyful and inventive, and deserves to have her unique gifts encouraged as much as possible.

A child with magnetism and power

From the earliest age it will be apparent that Diana must have complete sensual satisfaction and a feeling of physical safety before she can venture out into the world and develop. Where some children can use their imaginative powers to overcome physical limitations or frustrations, Diana cannot. This does not mean that she needs a family with a lot of money. But she does not cope very well with a disruptive, unpredictable or chaotic home environment. There is great natural courage and tenacity in her, and she can weather many childhood storms through sheer power of personality and a quality of what in America is called "the right stuff" - grit, resilience and loyalty to her own inner nature. But if disruption in the environment is unavoidable, care should be taken to explain to Diana as clearly as possible what is happening and why, well in advance. Toys should not be thrown away without warning. A move of house should only be made after ample preparation. A loved pet should never be "put down" without prior consultation. And above all, emotional conflicts between family members need to be clarified so that Diana does not feel threatened by some invisible catastrophe which she senses but does not understand.

She is sometimes likely to be touchy and a bit vain, and not always able to laugh at herself. A little teasing will go a long way - perhaps too far, because she tends to take her own feelings and needs very seriously indeed. She may also display an uncomfortably long memory for hurts and grievances, so if parents are accustomed to blowing up, saying unpleasant things and then thinking it's all over, they may need to remember that for Diana such explosions go deep and leave a lasting impression. When she really erupts she means it, and the pressure has probably been building up for some time. But equally she does not forget kindness and affection, and can remain tenaciously loyal throughout life to those from whom she has received love. Thus it is a bad idea to manipulate her loyalty by enlisting her in parental quarrels. Despite her great capacity for contentment, she does not have a simple nature. Her emotions run deep and her silences may contain a great many things the family have not bargained for. Diana has great magnetism and power of personality, and will eventually get what she wants from life. This deserves respect rather than a battle of wills initiated by parents who may sorely need to develop such strength of character themselves.

Secret sensitivity and hidden dreams

In contrast to Diana's essentially earthy and well-grounded nature, she also possesses great sensitivity and a hidden romanticism which - out of pride and a desire to be best and first - she may begin to conceal at quite an early age. She has a secret dream-world to which she may retreat when her anxieties become too great, but she may be most reluctant to share this with parents and family because she fears it will be rejected. Her intense sensitivity sometimes borders on the psychic, and she is receptive to unspoken thoughts and feelings in the environment which may confuse and frighten her. She may also harbour strange secret fantasies - such as a "memory" of reincarnation, or a conviction of the presence of the supernatural - which plague her normally forthright and pragmatic perceptions. Because she is essentially a direct and reliable child, it is likely that parents and family members will learn to rely on her strength and self-sufficiency fairly early on, assuming that she will always be able to cope and giving more attention to siblings' apparently greater fragility. Thus her secret fears may go overlooked, and she may increasingly learn to hide them for fear of ridicule. Yet this hidden receptivity and propensity for fantasy in fact contribute a very necessary refinement to what otherwise might be a rather pushy nature. Properly understood and encouraged, these attributes can be a great asset to her developing personality.

Dependency is hidden by pride

Diana is usually a bold child, fearless in taking on the challenges of the physical environment and showing great courage, resilience and cheerfulness even in the face of frustrations and difficulties. Her independence is striking, and probably she prefers to learn things by herself rather than relying on parental help. But she experiences much greater anxiety and dependency than she shows on the surface, and her need of others' approval and support should not be underestimated just because she does not openly ask for it. Often she feels deeply helpless and confused, bewildered by her own sensitivity and disturbed by the emotions of others which penetrate her awareness and disturb her normally contented personality. She is unusually receptive to others' pain and unhappiness, and concealed misery in family members will find its way into her awareness instantly - no matter how much they try to cover up the problem. Thus Diana needs an unusual degree of honesty from family members, because she is not likely to understand or cope well with such invisible emotional buffetings. Never mock or ridicule her fantasies, however strange they may seem, for she needs every encouragement to learn to trust her rich and rather convoluted imagination. As Diana grows older it is unlikely that she will ask freely for help and advice. She may increasingly feel a strange shame at showing weakness or dependency, so parents may need to pay particular attention to the covert efforts she makes to express unhappiness, loneliness or anxiety. In this way she can be encouraged to treat such "wobbly" states as perfectly human and acceptable.

Shyness about the body

Diana will probably display a precocious ability to coordinate her body and master the challenges of the physical environment. But there are moments when she is subject to a sudden inner collapse of confidence, and she may then be afflicted by an inexplicable shyness about her body, her competence, and even her worth. There may be external reasons for such spells of self-doubt - domestic disruptions or a particularly challenging situation at school, or even some early illness or accident which has left a memory of helplessness. More likely there will be no apparent reason for Diana's sudden bouts of self-denigration, and she will probably not communicate her feelings because she wants to be seen by those she loves as strong and self-reliant. Therefore she may communicate her secret fears through indirect means, and parents may need to make the effort to be sensitive to such covert communication. Deep down, Diana has an ambivalent attitude toward the material world. Most of the time she is strong and well-adapted and utterly comfortable in her body. But at other times she feels overwhelmed by challenges which she fears she will fail to meet. Do not be fooled by her tendency to mask her anxiety through an excess of competence or an overdeveloped emphasis on order and security. Encourage her to express her fears as soon as she is able to, so that she can learn that such fears are human, healthy and a good balance for what may sometimes be an overly aggressive or blinkered attitude toward getting what she wants.

A refined spirit waiting in the wings

Diana is a complex personality, courageous and resilient yet sometimes much less stable and well-adapted than she seems. There are unsuspected depths in her - a powerful imagination which intrudes upon her relationship with the material world, and an intense need of and dependency on others which sometimes causes bouts of anxiety and formless fear. Her essentially sunny, sound and practical nature gives her the gift of enjoying life to the full in the moment, and she is capable of great contentment and pleasure in ordinary things. Yet her hidden side - refined, fragile, imaginative, intensely emotional and idealistic - rounds out the earthiness of her personality. Parents will hopefully recognise and appreciate these hidden strengths, rather than trying to shape her into a two-dimensional creature in the hope that she will be less troublesome. Diana can sometimes be very troublesome because she is buffeted by inchoate fears and fantasies which she will fight hard against. Honesty, empathy and an appreciation of the unseen as well as the worldly are the best gifts family members can offer to help Diana integrate this hidden and most valuable dimension of her personality.

Another important pair of characters

The characters described so far represent Diana's essential inner dialogue between the main conscious life- orientation and the hidden unconscious strengths which, if recognised and integrated, can round out the personality. Besides these figures, there are other inner characters indicated in the birth chart which are likely to emerge as Diana develops, and which are described briefly below.

A deep need to belong

Diana was born with the innate awareness that no human being is an island. She has an instinctive feeling of belonging to a larger human family, and from childhood to later life she will always turn to others for a sense of nourishment and support. From the very first weeks of life she thrives and is happy if there is plenty of company around, even if she is occupied with her own toys, interests or friends. Because of this, Diana will be more acutely distressed than many children if there is an atmosphere of emotional coldness and distance within the family environment. Whatever the financial or social circumstances into which she was born, she is by nature devoid of intolerance and clannishness. Even if family members try to instill narrower values into her, she will shrug them off as she grows older and comes in contact with a wider world. She will be drawn to friends according to her own likes and dislikes rather than because they are "suitable". It would be most helpful for parents and family members to trust her naturally friendly attitude toward others. In this respect many adults might learn a great deal from her.

Diana loves meeting new people in all sorts of situations - on trains and planes, in shops and restaurants, at school and on holiday. She may often be caught wandering over to strangers to talk to them. Anxious or suspicious parents may find such behaviour disturbing, but as long as common sense is shown Diana's trust in other people will be well justified. At school she is likely to be a gregarious and popular person, able to effortlessly attract others because she is so extremely likeable. She does not invoke enmity or aggression because she does not really feel it. She is also likely to be popular among teachers and family friends, because she is inclined to treat everyone kindly and courteously and only becomes difficult if others are hurtful or aggressive toward her. Diana is therefore likely to have many friends throughout childhood, although these friends may quickly be outgrown and replaced by other friends. But she would often rather have superficial company than no company at all. She loves to feel she belongs, and will quickly adapt to the mannerisms, rules and prevailing attitudes first of the family and then of the wider circle of her peer group. She is not "pretending" in order to be liked, but genuinely feels happier and more at home blending harmoniously with others. Sometimes it may be hard to know just what Diana really thinks and feels, so adept is she at this gift of harmonious merging with the group. Yet her gentleness, fairness and deep sense of the value of others is very real and fundamental to her outlook on life.

A child who truly likes people

Diana's power to attract others springs from her inherent feeling of affinity with people. The importance she places on relationships with others does not reflect a mere need to please, but arises from an innate instinct that she belongs to a larger human family and that it is interaction with others that makes life worthwhile. Because of her adaptability to any collective of which she is a part, Diana may seem elusive and hard to know. She will rarely express emotions or ideas which are too individualistic and might alienate others. There will come a time, as she grows up, when life will challenge her with the task of defining her real values, and she may periodically be faced with what is for her the very difficult issue of invoking the disapproval of the group in order to be true to herself. She is as capable as the next child of being difficult and rebellious if she feels angry and cornered. But it should be remembered that such episodes usually leave a long period of anxiety in their wake, followed by an increased need for reassurance. Conflict with others arouses all her deepest fears of isolation. Diana's essential tolerance, decency and liking for people ensure that she will always try the diplomatic solution first. Consequently she may well find herself playing the role of peacemaker and go-between among quarrelling family members or friends. Individual recognition ultimately means less to her than the secure and fulfilling experience of being part of the lives of others, and of discovering that - wherever in the world she goes as she grows up - there will always be people who welcome her as a friend.

A secret individualist

Hidden beneath her amiable and gregarious personality, there are many intensely individualistic qualities which Diana is likely to suppress from quite a young age in order to preserve her sense of belonging. This secret side of her personality may show itself in abrupt outbursts of anger, or in cycles of apparently aggressive or anti-social behaviour which seem very alien to her usual manner. Although Diana is usually acutely aware of the needs of others, secretly she may feel much more special and deserving of the limelight than she dares to show. As she gets older she may find it quite difficult to reconcile this hidden individualist with her desire to accommodate the wishes of those she cares for. Even without any attempt on the part of parents to restrain these more powerfully self-centred impulses, Diana will very likely suppress them herself because of her fear of alienation from loved ones. Yet if she buries such feelings, she may be subject to bouts of severe restlessness and anxiety, as well as experiencing deep envy toward those children who are freer to express themselves. Parents can help by encouraging her to be more honest about showing what she really feels and wants, rather than worrying all the time about whether someone else will be offended. Diana's intensely individualistic spirit is a great strength which needs to be integrated with her more gregarious qualities so that she can find the right balance between self and others. Then she can feel, as she grows up, that she has something unique and valuable of her own to offer the larger group on which she depends so much.

Risking the disapproval of others

The hidden side of Diana is far more powerful, individualistic and self-willed than parents and family members might wish to acknowledge. These attributes will generally be concealed by her very genuine friendliness and desire to create harmony around her. In fact the dichotomy in her personality is a highly creative combination of ingredients, for Diana possesses not only an extremely likeable and kind nature but also considerable strength and courage. This latter may need to be encouraged by parents who understand her complexity and do not demand a child who is always 100% obedient and placating. Diana is so needful of belonging that as she grows up she runs the risk of developing a veneer of perpetual pleasantness which masks some very intense albeit unconscious feelings of anger, resentment and rebelliousness. This does not mean that her usually agreeable personality is in any way deliberately false. But as she gets older she may learn to pull it over her like a protective cloak when she is afraid her own disruptive feelings might rise to the surface and alienate others. She really needs to learn to risk the disapproval of others, and to express her own needs and values in an honest, clear and straightforward way. Hopefully she will then discover that those who love her are willing to respond to her with the same fairness and tolerance that she ordinarily displays toward them. Diana sometimes needs to be allowed to be provocative and difficult, giving somebody else the chance to be the peacemaker for a change.

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IV. EMOTIONAL NEEDS AND PATTERNS IN RELATIONSHIPS

The means by which we find happiness and nourishment through others become more complex, subtle and diverse as we progress from infancy to adulthood. But our fundamental emotional needs reflect our individual characters and in essence do not change. Every child has particular ways in which he or she experiences and seeks emotional contact with others, and this may not always accord with other, more dominant personality traits.

Satisfy my curiosity!

Although she is strongly focussed on the practical realities of life, Diana's greatest need in relation to others is a sense of mutual respect and mental affinity. She wants her relationships to be contained within a stable and reliable structure, without excessive emotional pressure and with an appreciation of her need for privacy and independence. Diana is extremely inquisitive about people and may sometimes seem disrespectful of traditional age roles in the questions she asks them - as though parents and grandparents are simply other people just like her friends at school. For her, a sense of happiness in the company of others depends upon finding them interesting and being found interesting in turn. If she cannot experience this sense of lively communication and mutual interest, she may become bored and transfer her attention elsewhere. It may be disturbing if she acts this way toward siblings or family members, although it does not mean she no longer loves them. But she has a remarkable ability to establish a sense of "family" according to mental affinity rather than simple biology, and may find it hard to offer undeviating devotion to family members simply because they are family, if the sense of "like minds" is missing. Always fair and kind to others, she can nevertheless be terrifyingly honest in expressing her need for relationships which are as much of the mind as of the heart.

So deeply important is communication to Diana that she needs it as much as physical affection. her feelings are tempered by a quality of reflectiveness which requires subtler forms of interaction than simple emotional gratification. The surest way to alienate her affections is to subject her to brooding silences or theatrical emotional scenes. Although she is quite capable of displaying a very changeful and explosive temper, it is her way of clearing the air, and once she has vented her feelings there is no grudge or resentment left behind. Highly independent, she needs to feel she can retreat into her inner world or go exploring and know that loved ones trust her to come back again in her own time. She may sometimes seem fickle in her feelings because her interest ebbs and flows, but she is capable of great loyalty - although she may not demonstrate it effusively or on demand. Above all, a feeling of being understood matters deeply to Diana, and a free and lively flow of communication with others is essential to her sense of happiness, contentment and emotional security. Lively, intelligent and curious, her inquisitive nature and eagerness to discover everything about those she loves should never be criticised or repressed. Love which is expressed only through dutiful self-sacrifice or intense possessiveness will leave her feeling lonely and burdened. Her understanding of a safe and supportive relationship is one in which people care and are sensitive to each other's feelings but also allow each other breathing space and room to think their own thoughts. Her emotional needs, however intense, will always be tempered by a profound sense of fair play and respect for others' differences, and she quite justifiably expects the same in return.

Special needs in relationship with parents

There are different needs in relation to mother and father - not only based on the obvious fact of the sexual difference between parents, but also based on the child's own personality make-up and way of interacting with each parent as an individual. Just as every child's character is unique and inherent, so too are that child's feelings and emotional requirements in relation to parents, siblings and friends. Gaining some understanding of these requirements can help family members provide at least some of these fundamental needs, thereby offering an environment which - to use the words of Winicott - is "good enough" to allow the child to develop his or her relationships with greater inner security and trust.

Looking to father for sexual urges

Diana's perception of her father is primarily a sensitive and poetic one - an image of man as artist, visionary and mystic. Even if her father feels anything but artistic or mystical, Diana attaches some sense of romantic mystery to him and a good deal of idealism colours her love. Whereas some daughters want their fathers to be heroic and successful, she loves her father for all his human imperfections and is unusually responsive to any sadness or sense of failure in life which he might carry. Diana does not want or need a perfect father, but she needs enough emotional contact to discover who her father really is and how he feels about life. The sense of mystery which she feels about him is potentially a highly creative experience, for it opens up her imagination and allows her to weave magical stories around him. Even if his life is externally prosaic and unexciting, Diana secretly believes her father is really somebody else - a frustrated artist or an unacknowledged visionary. Such romantic dreams are very valuable. But they also need to be grounded through a solid emotional relationship which allows her to experience her father as a real and fallible person rather than a vanishing figure of mystery and unobtainability - for the absence of a solid emotional bond would inevitably affect her later expectations of the men in her life.

Diana longs to share her father's inner world of dreams, and therefore the quality of the time father and daughter spend together is extremely important - even if family conflicts or work pressures necessitate periodic separations. Parental battles should never be used as a justification for interfering with the very vulnerable but very deep emotional bond between father and daughter, and it is most important that Diana's father endeavours to preserve the continuity of the emotional bond even if external pressures or conflicts with other family members make this difficult to achieve. He may also discover much of his own unlived creativity through exploring the world of the imagination with his daughter - listening to music together, painting, reading stories, and sharing his own dreams and feelings. Diana's love of her father is intense and idealised. This idealisation needs to be balanced by plenty of ordinary human interaction. But Diana also needs to be able to journey through mysterious and magical inner landscapes with her father. Although there are inevitably experiences which no two people can wholly share, a willingness on the part of her father to explore the inner world of the imagination with his daughter can help Diana to develop greater confidence in her own creative potentials.

Recognising mother's need for freedom

Diana has an image of her mother as a free spirit longing to fly, and will look to her mother for the courage to transcend or transform rigid social and sexual roles. This mythic image of a free feminine spirit reflects Diana's own longing to be a whole and independent woman when she grows up. Even if her mother feels tired, stressed and anything but free and courageous, to Diana she is not merely "mother" - she is a fascinating individual in her own right, unpredictable and exciting, with gifts and potentials perhaps unlived but real nonetheless. At the core of this relationship is a highly creative mental bond. Diana has the same emotional and physical needs as any other child. But on the most profound level she seeks a true friend who can offer mental companionship and inspiration - a relationship of individuals who genuinely like each other and find each other interesting apart from any ties of blood or instinctual need. Fanatical adherence to the collective role of "mother" may not suit Diana any more than it suits her mother. Her mother may need to find the courage to be truly herself, for it is this independent spirit which her daughter most loves, admires and needs as a model for her own developing sense of individuality.

It would benefit Diana if her mother can share her own goals and aspirations beyond immediate domestic responsibilities. The girl finds her mother truly interesting as a person and will be inspired by hearing about her mother's interests, ideas and experiences of life and people. If Diana's mother has a hobby, creative pursuit or working life apart from family responsibilities, all the better - for the broader her mother's outlook on life, the more Diana will enjoy and appreciate her company. Potential problems might arise not if Diana's mother is able to have a varied and fulfilling life, but rather if she is trapped within a rigid conventional role which leaves her frustrated, anxious and irritable. Then her daughter will recognise her frustration and experience her mother's anxiety as her own. If such a domestic situation is extreme, the daughter may eventually develop a fear of family commitments because she is so attuned to her mother's sense of unhappiness. Diana can offer her mother great scope to be a whole person, for her needs depend as much on mental and spiritual companionship as on the earthier facets of everyday life. This is a gift to any mother, for it is rare and special to have a daughter who can see her mother as a true friend. Honesty, openmindedness and a willingness to move beyond the more archaic rules of family interaction will help Diana on her way into life with a sense that an individual woman's need for self-expression is not mutually exclusive of loving relationships.

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V. FEARS AND INSECURITIES

Every child, like every adult, experiences fear - fear of objects and situations that belong to "real" life, and fear of inchoate things which loom in the night and seem absurd or strange in the bright light of day. Fear is a powerful motivator in all human beings. It can work negatively, making us defensive and closed to life, and it can work positively, making us develop strengths and talents which begin as a means of self- protection and end as important assets of the personality. A child's fears have not yet crystallised into those rigid defense mechanisms which cause so many adults to block off important dimensions of their natures. Responding to a child's panic with insight may save many years of the child become adult struggling with an entrenched defensive pattern. Moreover, a child's fears can point toward profound archetypal issues which, dealt with in a spirit of understanding and compassion, reveal the wellsprings of nascent values, creative potential and individual identity. Just as one man's meat is another's poison, one child's fears are another's playground. Yet every child experiences personal fears as real, objective and threatening - whether they belong to the outer world or the inner. Calling such fears silly is not only unhelpful - it is downright destructive. To the child they are not silly at all and may reflect not only important personality issues but also unconscious conflicts in the family psyche which the adults are not in touch with but which the child perceives all too clearly. Listening to a child's fears with an open mind and heart can, at a formative period of life, provide what every human being most needs - a sense that his or her reality, full of unpredictability and menace as well as beauty, joy and meaning, is taken seriously. Fear is always far less frightening when shared than when it is confronted alone.

A fear of being worthless

In keeping with her well-developed adaptation to external reality, Diana has a deep need to be self-sufficient in the physical world. She instinctively knows that she, in common with all other human beings, can ultimately rely on no one but himself. Yet she is also very frightened by the daunting complexity of the material world, from the earliest task of coordinating her body to the later challenges of earning a living and achieving her worldly goals. She sometimes feels very unsure of her worth and her capacity to meet these challenges, despite her deep urge toward self-reliance. Consequently her developing relationship with the material environment may be slow and punctuated with difficulties in certain areas of life, despite any competence she may show in a more general way. She may strongly resist efforts to teach her basic disciplines, and may display inexplicable fear when asked to perform particular physical tasks. Idiosyncrasies of personal hygiene or diet may reveal her unease with her body. As she gets older she may exhibit intense feelings toward particular toys or personal possessions, becoming ferociously attached to some and apparently oblivious or even destructive to others. Because she equates her inner sense of self-worth with her physical reality - body, food, material objects and environment -, anxiety about the former will be symbolically reflected in an erratic relationship with the latter.

Understanding and responding sensitively to Diana's apprehensions about the physical world can make a big difference in helping her to acquire greater confidence. If, for example, she suddenly begins to react to certain foods or displays erratic behaviour in her eating habits, disturbance in the domestic environment might be an important factor. She is acutely sensitive to any sudden physical change or disruption and may express her anxiety through the symbol of food as a source of safety and nourishment. Trying to provide as reliable and consistent an environment as possible will help her to feel more secure and confident, for she is frightened of everything suddenly being moved or taken away just when she is beginning to feel she can master it. Sharing of possessions may also cause difficulties between Diana and her siblings. But an overly intense attachment to a particular toy or article of clothing does not mean she is selfish or greedy - it means the toy or garment symbolises something safe and permanent, and her undisputed ownership of it needs honouring. She may go through a phase of hoarding things - food, toys, allowance money, old and outgrown clothes which would ordinarily be thrown away but which she clings to because they hold some special meaning for her. As she gradually feels more secure, the extreme manifestations of her fear will quietly and naturally fade away.

The challenge of self-sufficiency

Diana may develop particular defensive habits in order to protect herself from the threat of the material world and the fear that she will not be able to cope with it. She may seek to assuage her fear by striving for physical excellence, and through persistent effort may in fact develop great skill at sport, crafts or practical tasks. But she may confuse her external achievements with an internal sense of self-worth, becoming increasingly dependent on mundane success as a validation of her worth. Thus as she grows up she may express intense ambition, determined that she will be "rich" or "successful" or "famous" because she believes this will guarantee safety and the permanent love and loyalty of others. As she gets older she may be preoccupied with her physical appearance and highly critical of her face, body and clothes unless everything is exactly right and in accord with some real or imagined collective definition of attractiveness. Intense concern with bodily perfection may become a painful issue as she approaches puberty, for during this changeful time of life she will once again equate physical reality with her value as an individual.

Behind her very personal defence mechanisms there lies a fundamental human challenge - the individual's capacity to survive and make a real contribution in a difficult world. Diana is not "neurotic" or afflicted with some unusual problem. Her striving toward self-sufficiency, and her fear of failure, spring from the instinctive awareness that one gets what one works for from life, and that a feeling of real security cannot be guaranteed except through confidence in one's own inner resilience and resources. As she grows up she will find a solid and lasting sense of worth through creating something tangible with her talents, in whatever direction they might lie. So important is this issue for her future development that she is already frightened she will not be able to reach her goal - even though the goal has not yet been formulated. She would find it harder to develop self-confidence in an environment where too much importance is placed on material achievement and too little on who she actually is. For regardless of her emotional, imaginal or intellectual gifts Diana tends, on the deepest level, to define her value to others in physical terms. If she can be helped to understand the difference between external success and an inner sense of worth and solidity, she will be well equipped to meet this fundamental human challenge.

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VI. LOOKING TOWARD THE FUTURE

Every child has a unique fund of potentials which can best be encouraged through an individual educational approach. However, most children must "make do" with what is available to them through local schools. In Western countries education, in accord with our present world-view, primarily consists of the acquisition of practical skills and specialised knowledge. Regardless of whether this particular approach is suited to every child, or even "right" in the broader philosophical or moral sense, children must to a great extent adapt their own individual abilities to the prevailing trend. Some can achieve this easily, some do so only by denying their own natures, and others accomplish little because they simply cannot make themselves into what they are not. Educational facilities may be found which place greater emphasis on a more holistic world-view, or on the imaginative and creative dimensions of a child's development. But the cost of such facilities may be beyond many parents' reach. Nevertheless, so immense is the power of innate individuality that whatever limits may exist in the educational environment, any child - given sufficient parental understanding and encouragement of natural aptitudes - can find the confidence to discover his or her appropriate path in life.

The fascination of others

Diana is realistic and appreciative of her immediate environment, but the whole wide world is a place of interest and everything in it a subject worthy of study. Other people are likely to be especially interesting, and she needs plenty of contact and opportunities to share thoughts and ideas from quite a young age. Her inquisitiveness and desire for a broad perspective of life are likely to make her an energetic and lively student at school, and her need to communicate her ideas to other people suits her to classes which allow room for discussion and debate. Learning should be an extremely positive experience for her, with one possible drawback - she may find many subjects and teachers too narrow in nature, and may find it hard to accept well-worn ideas which are collectively acceptable but past their prime. But although the world seems to her a fascinating place, her ability to do well at school depends in large part on her sympathetic relationship with individual teachers. Highly intuitive and sensitive to the feelings of others, she will only come fully alive if the teacher is really interested too. Subjects which involve the study of human beings, their history, motives and behaviour, are likely to fascinate her. If she seems to be doing badly in her schoolwork, ask her about the teacher, for her progress in learning is directly linked to her feeling of being appreciated and understood.

The highly receptive quality of Diana's mind ensures that her feeling of personal affinity with teachers will strongly affect her performance at school. A huge, amorphous educational establishment would not suit her, for her innate love of learning is highly influenced by the quality of the individuals offering that learning. Therefore a smaller school where personal attention and interest can be offered would be preferable to one with high academic standards but where she vanishes amidst the throng. Most importantly, the inclusive and progressive qualities of her mind need to be recognised and supported. She can work comfortably with logical concepts but needs room for speculative thinking. The wider the curriculum, and the more flexible the individual teachers, the happier she is likely to be at school. Outside activities which encourage learning - clubs, societies, additional classes - may also prove helpful, and travel and exposure to other cultures and languages would be an inspiration to her curiosity about life and people. Most helpful of all would be an active mental life within the family, where learning and the exploration of ideas are treated with as much respect as the more practical aspects of life.

Development through relating to others

Within Diana lies a profound sense of the mutual dependency of people and the impossibility of forming an individual personality without the reflecting mirror of relationship. It is relationships which are likely to dominate her future - not only the family, friends and partners through whom she discovers her own nature and needs, but the whole complex realm of human relationship as a field worthy of study and a vocation which could provide meaning and fulfillment. Her deep sensitivity to the hidden channels of the human heart ensures that she will always remain in contact with the reality of a greater human family. All her future relationships are thus likely to be coloured by a growing sense of compassion and insight. In adulthood she is likely to involve herself increasingly with the welfare of others, not only through her devotion to loved ones but through her instinctive concern with all those lost or hurt souls who need her help, support and guidance. Most importantly, it is relationships which will provide both the major stepping stones of Diana's life and also her hardest lessons. In many ways she will not truly emerge as herself until she is able to move away from the emotional fusion of childhood into the more equalised interaction of adulthood. Then recognition of her essential separateness will eventually bring out her greatest gifts, resources and sense of commitment to a vocation involving working with others. This passage into life may require more than one crisis or rupture in partnerships, friendships or group involvements. She will need to explore the whole spectrum of human encounters to discover who she is and what she wants from life. As she grows up parents will hopefully encourage her to learn from her experiences rather than censuring her for what may prove to be a rather unconventional approach to personal relationships. Her guiding spirit, consciously or unconsciously, will strive toward a knowledge of self through the mirror of others, so that she will one day emerge as an adult truly wise in the ways of all the myriad levels of human interaction.

Copyright Astrodienst AG 1997. All Rights are reserved. 27-Oct-1997